Souvenirs and Suitcases

Okay people, raise your hand if you’ve ever compared yourself to another person. Ever wished you had certain qualities they possess that maybe just don’t come very easily for you? We all have right? It’s such a natural human thing to do, but it also keeps us stuck! Today I want to share something that has really helped me overcome the comparison trap. It’s a little gem from the one and only Jody Moore. If you haven’t heard of her you need to check out her podcast Better Than Happy right now! You will love it! 

 The truth is we are all came here with different talents, abilities, and gifts (things in our suitcase). These were all given to us by God. But He also expected us to develop into our best self. He wants us to bring things back home (souvenirs). He wants us to use this life as an opportunity to develop the things that don’t just come naturally. The problem is that we waste so much time trying to check out what the next person got in their suitcase that we rarely take the time to look inside our own! We compare. We feel jealous. And we don’t do a dang thing. Instead we need to take a minute and see what God has given us. How can we fully use our gifts and talents if we don’t even know what they are? Once we know we need be bold and not afraid to use what we’ve been given. So let’s stop checking out what everyone else has that we don’t and start appreciating the gifts and talents we’ve been given. Then go out and get some souvenirs! 

Even Beyoncé has bad days

Anyone else ever get sick of social media? It’s just such a false perception of reality. No one ever posts about the bad which makes us all believe that something has gone wrong when our own life isn’t picture perfect. But the truth is we all experience ups and downs in life. Even Beyoncé. There will be times you won’t show up the way you hoped. You might yell at your kids or get mad at your spouse. Getting along with certain people will be difficult. Loving yourself won’t come easy. And life will just be plain HARD! But don’t you worry because it’s supposed to be that way. Absolutely nothing has gone wrong. And nothing is wrong with you.

Let me tell you why this is true. Your human brain is wired to look for things that have, can, or will go wrong. It’s constantly looking out for things that may be harmful as well as things that just aren’t quite right. Example, have you ever been on vacation at the beach on a warm sunny day when your brain says something like, “this is great but I would be perfect if the weather was just a little bit cooler.” Or maybe your might think “If only I had an ice cold Swig in my hand right now.” What the?! I mean really?! It seems like your brain can always find something that isn’t quite right. It’s for reals good at it! Which is so helpful to know when it comes to thoughts about yourself. For example, if you believe when your brain tells you for whatever reason that you’re not enough, you will start to notice all of the reasons why this is true. Your brain is very good at gathering more and more and more evidence to prove a belief. It really loves to be right... but did you know that you can outsmart your brain just by simply questioning whatever thought isn’t serving you. So if you decide to question the thought “I’m not enough” you might say “In what ways is this untrue? Is it possible that I’m worthy and whole just as I am? Faults and shortcomings included??” What if you could accept and be at peace with all of it? The good and the not so good parts of you. I think it would allow you to decide instead what you wanted to believe on purpose. Which might be that you’re human and your make mistakes but you still love you even when you don’t show up in the best way. You could decide that no matter what you’re ENOUGH. Even when you don’t have the perfect hair, clothes, job, family life, marriage, home, etc. You’re still enough! And don’t forget, even Beyoncé has bad days.

Thoughts and goals

Okay it’s time for some real talk. This last week I started a 90 day fitness challenge. It’s been a mix of good and hard. One of my goals is to eat less sugar. And I really love me some sugar! It’s definitely not easy to resist, but today I want to show you that it’s totally possible! It’s just a matter of training your brain. 

 It’s so funny to me to watch how my brain reacts to new and seemingly hard things. It’s like a toddler! Anytime it notices a treat that I’m now trying harder to avoid it thinks it’s going to DIE if it can’t have said treat. Like for reals die. Or if a workout goes a little bit longer than planned it wants me to give up. Because it’s just too hard. Have you ever had these moments? The ones where your brain try’s to sabotage anything good you’re trying to do for yourself? Well, if you have and you’re feeling stuck I have good news for you! You don’t have to believe what your silly brain is feeding you. For example, it’s okay to want something sweet but decide with your higher brain that you’re going to pass in order to keep commitments to yourself. And do you know what happens over time the more you ignore that crazy side of your brain? Those feelings get less and less intense. I promise it’s true because I’ve done it! Eventually the treats just aren’t as tempting. And when you do have them on purpose, you enjoy that SO much more! You also want to look at what’s really bothering you. Example: have you ever found yourself in the pantry with your hand in the bag of chocolate chips right after a particularly frustrating parenting moment? What if it’s totally normal and totally okay to just relax into the frustration? Of course it doesn’t feel good, but it’s also not going to kill you. These negative feelings are just vibrations in your body. And the more you allow them, the less power they have over you and your decisions. When you’re eating those chocolate chips you might actually be trying to avoid a negative emotion. Which is totally fine by the way, unless it’s getting in the way of some bigger goal and keeping you stuck.  So next time you find yourself trying to reach for a greater version of yourself don’t listen to your brain when it tells you this adventure will kill you. It won’t. And you can walk away from the cookies and feel frustrated, angry, etc because It will pass. Especially if you don’t try to resist it. 

Thoughts on Confidence

Okay people, lets talk confidence for a minute. When we really zoom in confidence is an emotion we get to feel when we think about ourselves in a certain way. So first I want to ask you, how are you thinking about yourself? Do you know? Are you paying attention to the thoughts that your brain feeds you as truth? Are those thoughts really true? Let's break it down. 

First, there's the shame side of the spectrum. This is where you're super critical of yourself and worried about every little thing you did or didn't do right. You're more focused on getting validation from others than giving it yourself. You tell yourself all the things you should be doing but aren't. That you'll never add up. Never be good enough, and on and on. You keep finding more and more evidence for why you're just not measuring up so all of this feels very real and true to you.

On the other side of things there's pride. If you fall on this end you believe that people are ranked based on the level of goodness they posses, the amount of money they have, how attractive or unattractive they are and on and on. You do things in order to keep your value fixed. You feel that in some way your accomplishments/qualities make you better than the people around you. This is also not a good place to be because in order to stay on top you have to keep winning. You believe your value is earned.

The fact is that both of these ideas are LIES my friends. When we fall into shame or pride we are not showing up with confidence, instead we are just lying to ourselves and keeping ourselves from showing up as the best version of ourselves. The good news is that ALL of what I just told you goes on in our brains. As I said in the beginning, confidence is a feeling we get to feel when we CHOOSE to think of ourselves in a certain way. It also lies smack dab in the middle of shame and pride. When we are confident we know the truth! Which is that every single one of us is amazing and valuable regardless of literally anything else! There's nothing wrong with us, (as shame would say), and we also aren't any better or less than anyone else,(as pride would say). We are who we are and our value is fixed. It doesn't change. 

So take a look at how you're thinking about yourself. Where do you fall on the spectrum? What thoughts are holding you back? What can you chose to think on purpose to get yourself to confidence and owning who you are? I personally choose to love all of me even when it's hard. The good and the bad. I constantly need to remind myself that my value is set and does NOT change. When I choose to do this on purpose it's easier to show up as the person I was meant to be. 

What they think is none of your business

One thing I love to do is share things with my friends and family. I'm that person who finds something new and cannot wait to tell everyone! It really doesn't matter what it is. If I love it, you better believe I'm gonna share it! So let's just say this blog is going to become a place of sharing ideas I've found that help build confidence and empowerment to help you become the best version of you!

Tonight I watched Ralph Wrecks the Internet with my family. Have you seen it? Anyway, there’s a part towards the end of the movie where Ralph goes into a room and sees all of the comments that are on the Internet about him. Some are really positive and others are very negative. Naturally Ralph fixates on the negative and you can see him start to question himself. When he walked into the room he was confident without a care in the world. But after knowing what others thought of him it made him question himself too.

 Do you ever question yourself because of another persons opinion of you? I know I’ve been there. It’s like the opinions of others give power to that mean girl in your head. But what if you asked yourself why you care so much? The truth is that other people’s opinions are none of your business. The only opinion that really matters is your own! And trust me I get it. It’s hard to be misunderstood. But what if you just let people be wrong about you? I swear you guys it’s the best feeling in the world to just be unapologetically YOU. And I don’t mean going around doing anything you want without regard to anyone else, I just mean focusing in on being your best self without being distracted by what someone else may or may not be thinking about you. So give it a try! Let them all be wrong about you!