Processing Negative Emotion

My little boy Tate is obsessed with Frozen. We literally watch it every day, sometimes twice a day. He never gets tired of it. As annoying as this is, I've noticed that I can totally relate to Elsa before she knows how to control her powers. She's afraid but then she lets her fear grow by adding more fear on top of her initial fear. At first she's afraid of hurting her sister, but then the fear grows stronger when she believes she can't escape.

As humans we operate in a similar way. Have you ever been mad, angry, frustrated about something small that just seems to grow stronger and stronger throughout the day? It's like you're mind is just festering on that one moment or event until it's power is so strong that you just explode. I have. In fact this exact thing happened just this morning. I was asking my kids to get in the van for school. They were watching TV downstairs and they wouldn't listen. I asked again, and again, and again. Still nothing. Finally I just lost it! I yelled all the way to the school about how we were going to throw the TV away and that they were all grounded for life. Sheesh! Where did all of that come from? I realize that I'm the cause of all of this. Me and my thoughts. Instead of just allowing myself to feel and process my frustration. I let it build and build to the point of explosion. This was me resisting my emotions. We don't want to just sit with whatever negative emotion we're feeling so we resist it instead. The problem is that just like Elsa, when we resist it, it only grows stronger.


So what can we do instead? It starts with realizing that half of the time we are going to feel negative emotion. And that's totally okay. Nothing has gone wrong. What if instead of blowing up at my kids I just allowed myself to be a frustrated mom? Instead I resisted it and found more evidence that my life should be different. For example: My kids should listen the first time I call them.We should never be late to school. The TV is ruining our lives! Do you see how all of these additional thoughts only make everything worse? What if instead I told myself that this was the part of the day where I feel frustrated. And just leave it at that. I promise it's so much better this way. So next time you feel a negative emotion I want you to try something crazy. I want you to process it. Relax into it and really feel what it feels like in your body. Notice where you feel it most. Is it in your head, your stomach, your fingertips? Then describe it to yourself as if you've never felt it before. What color is it? Is it big or small? Sharp or smooth? I know it sounds insane, but all of these things allow you to get out of your brain and into your body. This is SO  helpful because when you can get out of your head you realize that negative emotions are nothing to fear. They're simply vibrations in your body that come and go.